My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
