So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
