nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
