It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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