You're completely useless in the revolution.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
