May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
