Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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