I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
