was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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