i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
