I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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