We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
