Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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