Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Randomize