That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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