i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
