He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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