My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
