New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
