Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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