Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
