he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
