you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
