loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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