Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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