fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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