ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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