you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
