You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
