Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
