I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
