@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
