the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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