I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
