Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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