I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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