Can i not drive my cunt home
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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