my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
