I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
