You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
