i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
