Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
