can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize