Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She even gives head with a lisp.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
