hotel room ftw
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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