Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
