I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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