I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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