i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
