i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
