i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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