How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
