i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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