I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
