just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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