He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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