She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
