There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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