Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
