If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
