yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
