I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
