twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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