The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is the high leading the old right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
