a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am available for nakedness
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
