My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Can you bring me the toilet please
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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