what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
