do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am naked and annoyed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
