you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
