Nicole vs. Life
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
