she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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