dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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