my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
